Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 25

The Shinsengumi killed seven ronin and injured four more.

They arrested twenty-three people.

The battle was not without cost.

They will be remembered.

A dark path opens up. That path is safe. I do not have to go back down it. Not again.

Another tragedy. Another closed door. It is okay. It must be.

WHAT OTHER SENSELESS HORRORS AWAIT ME AFTER THIS, THE MOST TERRIBLE FATE TO EVER BEFALL MAN AS HE STRUGGLES THROUGH THIS MORTAL COIL

…well that sounds ominous, self.

Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 24

While I’m not sure about love blooming on the battlefield, I can feel myself turning toward him to soak up the light of his praise.

“You’re like Sonic the Hedgehog with a scalpel!”

The man’s just fountaining blood out of his hand at this point.

Look. You’re not wrong. There are people who have considerably worse injuries than you. I helped carry two of them down. I am covered in the blood of people I know and cared about in a past incarnation. But they are already getting a great deal of care, and these types of “no, I’ll just push through it” injuries are the sorts of things that can go real wrong in a couple of weeks, or even longer. 

SHOW ME THE HAND THAT HAS TOUCHED GOD THAT I MIGHT BASK IN ITS GLORY

I mean uh

yesssssssssssssssss

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I mean uh what if we kept you from dying

the SOUND he makes following this

There a brief moment of silence, and then he fills it.

I mean, I wasn’t going to say anything, but… yeah…

Well, Kondou asked, and I can’t make Papa Bear mad, can I?

gosh

here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 23

Look, okay, I can hear you, so clearly I am here, but I also know what you MEAN when you ask if anyone’s out here, so I’m just gonna say no, there’s no one here. And then I’ll apologize.

Kondou calls out for Souji.

Nagakura wails for Heisuke not to die on him.

I can’t fight. I can’t fight. I can’t fight. I can’t fight. I’ll die. I’ll die. I’ll die. They might die.

YES I will RESCUE them 

But first I will GET THE LAY OF THE LAND

Why am I so bad at LOOKING AROUND

baby does that sword make you a member of a cutting crew ‘cause I just died in your arms tonight

Also your hand is covered in a truly righteous amount of blood but I can’t fit that into the eighties so I gotta go

This reminds me of how a long time ago I said that I don’t get cold, but that I “can feel that it IS cold,” and I heard about that for the next sixteen years.

Look, I have PLANS for that hand later, FIX IT

He holds up his non-bloodfall hand to stop me, and I stare deeply into his eyes.

CAN love bloom on a battlefield?

He’ll be fine, he assures me.

Buoyed by his optimism, his faith, and his indomitable spirit, I rush away, eager to prove myself worthy of his attention. 

I think we really had a moment there. I think we really connected!

…really killing the mood here, Souji.

And, uh, yourself.

so stop that

Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 22

Let me tell you, Nagakura, about the difficulty I have differentiating between someone else’s bravery or stupidity.

Wait, don’t, actually.

Everyone Tails wears one of the headbands he looks like he forgot how to use a ponytail holder and just put it around his entire head. It’s adorable.

We are expecting support from Aizu and the Judiciary Commissioner. They have not shown. This is concerning. There aren’t enough of us to do this on our own.

I said THERE AREN’T ENOUGH OF US TO DO THIS ON OUR OWN you magnificent cinderblock of a man

jesus christ who let you in

More hours go by. It’s after 10 PM.

Papa Bear says what’s uuuuuuuuuuuuuuup

Baby (shit)Bird says not meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Okay, I know why I hate him (SPOILER: it’s his face) (I hate his face) (it’s a dumb face) (he’s dumb), but why do all of you hate him so much?

oh NOW you want me to leave

I have never been so turned on in all my life.

Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 21

It’s time for a raid. 

There’s just one problem.

It’s true! We are shorthanded because our men are quite literally shitting themselves stupid. A food poisoning epidemic has swept through the Shinsengumi camp, sidelining a considerable number of their rank and file. It is a cause for concern for the captains, which leads to Sano’s suggestion:

I cannot be hearing this right.

Saito points out that “they” stop listening to orders as soon as they see blood. “It’s rather inconvenient,” he says, calmly, dispassionately. 

I CANNOT be hearing this right.

I am choosing not to hear any more of this.

I am squeezing my eyes shut and clamping my hands over my ears so I can continue not hear the things that outside forces allege me to be hearing about who is and isn’t dead and the current state of their rotation.

A short time later, a voice asks if I am all right, to which I can only squeak out “OVERWHELMED!!!!” in a very mature and reasonable fashion.

…hello, Kondou.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

Say no. I will say no. I will say no, I don’t want to. I will say, no I can’t. I will say no, it’s too dangerous. I will say no, it’s not the place for me. I will say no, I can do more from here. 

I will say no to that face–

I will say no–

I will–

I–

goddamnit

Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 20

“I’ve got candy in the back of this store!”

“Oh shit, the Candyman?”

“THE CANDYMAN!”

We’ll, uh, be taking our order to go.

When we return to headquarters, Sanan is less than thrilled with his haul of candy corn and eighty-five pounds of licorice.

Not pictured: Okita being a dick.

And Furutaka was being allowed to operate because the Shinsengumi were watching him, monitoring his every action in hopes of gaining more intel on the enemy movements.

And we just blew that whole thing up.

All Cops Are Bishounen

who

gasp 

JAPANESE JOHN GOODMAN AND BATHROBE NINJA

I LOVE YOU GUYS

But instead of saying that and leaping into Dan Conner’s arms, I instead do what I always do and try to make it my fault. I did wander away from the murder whirlwind that is Souji Okita, after all.

Sanan is having none of it.

Before I can find a way to turn this to my disadvantage, though, someone else swoops in to take the blow.

I have no idea who you are anymore.

Hijikata is back from the interrogation, which is not something I want to think about for very long so I just won’t, and he has news.

WHOA

What are they, a D&D party?

We don’t have time to figure out how many healers they have, though. We’re moving out tonight. 

why are you like this and can you never stop please

Men from the west? What is my father doing with men from the west?

There would be time for that later. 

I hoped.

Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 19

The streets of Kyoto, full of distractions for a budding little samurai like me. Full of bald men! So many bald men! So many people with KNOWLEDGE of bald men. Hello I am searching for a man with a receding hairline who might be uncomfortable about it, what do you mean that’s the entirety of the political right

There are a LOT of people out here.

Oh, I love festivals! Street food, vendors set up at every corner, someone shouting DOLLAR WATER DOLLAR WATER GET WATER FOR A DOLLAR WE GOT DOLLAR WATER GET A DRINK FOR A DOLLAR IT’S YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR WATER 

What kind of festival, Okita?

why are you like this

I leave Okita and his off-key rendition of Roxanne alone and resume asking bald men if they have seen their king.

A lead! Time to LEAP into action! GIVE them the business! BUST some caps! DETECT some crimes! 

FLEE from ronin!

SWOON over Sword Boy!

HIDE in alley!

goddamnit

Best In The World: Let’s Play Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Episode 18

This bodes well.

WHAT NO

Hijikata has a reason, though, and it’s not just that he’s a colossal dick — and remind me to return to that later, girl. No, wait, uh, what was I saying?

Oh right, politics. 

There is increased activity happening from the Choshu Domain, which is making Kyoto an increasingly dangerous place to be. Hijikata isn’t just crushing my dreams like the giant needle-claw lady in that horny zombie game, he’s being thoughtful. He just expresses it like a war criminal.

Awwww, Tails misses me! He wants me to be with him! He’s my friend! You’re my friend too, Tails! You’re great!

I am suspicious of any and all nice things you say about or to me.

WHY WOULD I MAKE THAT VOW

THAT IS A TERRIBLE VOW

Okita stresses, again, that they can keep tabs on me and keep me safe.

Are you… wait, are you worried? Are you concerned? About me?

You are! You’re actually worried about me! You don’t want me to come to harm! You don’t want anything bad to happen to me! You actually care! You motherfucker, you actually care!

Well, let me tell you something, Toshizo Hijikata.

no fuckin’ way you’re keeping me here man