It’s dark and hell is hot.
Everything’s just so cheery here all the time!
The key is to watch the greatsword all the way into your face.
Someone, somewhere, has made an entirely disrespectful AMV with this game set to a Franz Ferdinand song, and it is the worst thing that has ever been. Also, CONTENT WARNINGS EVERYWHERE
I don’t know how to answer. Everyone’s making good points, except for Sanan, who’s just over there wondering how many electrodes he can fit on my chest at one time. Nagakura’s ready to punch the entire Ars Goetia if it means I’ll keep smiling. Sano’s ready to make sure I have everything I need at all times, be that a sword, a cup of tea, or permission to flirt with any guy in the room. Hijikata’s laying out battle plans that account for me being in my room out of the way, because while he likes me, he likes me where he doesn’t have to worry about me. Okita’s trying to think of the best way to insult me, like he’s trying to snap my bra strap with his mind for fourteen hours a day. Sen’s just worried. Kimigiku, our lady ninja bodyguard, is just disappointed in me and everyone else but mostly me.
I wonder what Saito or Tails would say in this situation. Saito would stand by the wall, not leaning against it but right near it, part of his body cloaked in shadow, and he would say two sentences, not right after one another, picking his spots carefully, making sure his conversational strokes went deep and clean. Tails would be running around in circles waving his hands above his head like he wanted to go on Buzz Lightyear.
In the background, Okita starts to comment on other things I wouldn’t like to do with an audience, and then Hijikata kills him. RIP Souji Okita, 1842-1867. In lieu of donations, the family asks that you do something in his name and memory, like yelling at a superior, or have sex standing up for a change.
“Oh, look, a friendly lion! Let me just climb right into your mouth so you can carry me to freedom and safety!”
HIjikata and Sanan rush to protest at the same time, getting stuck in the Doggy Door of Disobedience together.
And just like that, no one can argue the point any longer.
I return to my room, but this time accompanied by the Demon Princess, Sen.
Maybe I AM a Demon, I think, as Sen sheepishly runs through how she woke me up in the middle of the night, sprang all of this on me without warning, and then said mean things about my friends/captors/bosses/whatever they are. Do we all apologize like this? All the time?
If this had happened earlier… before I came to Kyoto, or the first season of my time here, I would have said yes. There have been times, looking back on what happened to the others, what happened to the people around them, that I wish I HAD said yes, that I could have spared everyone the pain and suffering that came after. But I know none of that is my fault, and that I need to shepherd them through this.
I need to better understand what happens to the one that keeps going after all this happens. Why he leaves… and why he lives. I have to. I have to.
I mean… I wouldn’t exactly CALL him that, but I could call him a few other things if he– goddamnit Hikaru answer the question don’t give her a bunch more to ask
Back outside, Sen wraps things up.
Papa Bear’s got me.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, and other lies.
Stern declarations of the status quo, and other lies.
I will, Sen.
WIth all of them by my side, I know I can get through this.
Princess Sen – for Sen is a Princess – continues.
But of course, humans see something that can give them power, and humans want it. So they demanded the Demons’ assistance, and when they didn’t get it, their armies went and put the Demons’ villages to the torch. The remaining Demons scattered across the country, forced into hiding. Over time, bereft of their isolation, the Demons began mixing with humans, settling down, starting families, having little human/Demon babies, which is fine because all babies are actually tiny demons, shitting themselves and then having the audacity to get mad about it, and then they do it again and are somehow surprised by this course of action, and then they just dump the bowl on the fucking floor and you’re really fucking tired because this tiny pocket of hell in a giraffe onesie decided 4 AM was the right time to wake up never mind that you didn’t get to bed until one thanks to crossing over into that realm of exhaustion where you are tired but your body still doesn’t want you to sleep and if you could just sleep in that would be fine, but this bundle of Beelzebub isn’t interested in letting you even sleep to the normal time, and so there’s a bowl of applesauce upside down on the kitchen floor and this thing that you fucking made is in the high chair happily burbling at you because it thinks that was funny, that your pain was funny, and your mother tells you you’re going to miss these days when the baby is all grown up but how are any of you going to live that long and–
are you still here
Now it’s gonna be MY face on all those stupid “We Don’t Want To Be Referred To As Unvaccinated” memes
No one explain the idea of premarital sex to Kondou, he can’t handle it.
And then Sen says why she’s here, and specifically why she wants to take me away from the Shinsengumi.
This was SO CLOSE to “Well excuse me, Princess!” which is good, because if he had done that, I would have had to have thrown Sausage Link here into orbit.
Nagakura would definitely think he could get a point off of Serena Williams in a tennis match.
“Then let them,” comes an entirely too relaxed voice.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding under my bed.
I wouldn’t term HIjikata’s confidence ‘swagger.’ Nagakura, it’s definitely swagger. Okita, swagger. Hijikata is just confident. Hijikata goes into a fight like he’s reloading a save because he wants to improve on his time.
And see, I’m a giant hypocrite, because when he does it to Hijikata I think it’s FUNNY. Look at his face! He’s only happy when someone else is angry!
And now I’M happy! I’m a monster.
Sen has laid out her reasons.
Broseph Deadlift has pledged his passion to my cause.
Hijikata cares, goddamnit, and how dare we make him say it.
A wIld Kondou appears!
Wait, you’re actually asking me?
WHY ARE YOU PERFECT
It’s July 1867.
July already? Gosh, where does the time go? I mean, you wake up one day and it’s May, and you wake up the next and it’s already July, only you’ve somehow had neck surgery and you’ve then had to restructure your work life to take new things into account that you didn’t have to before, and that’s following on from the fact that you kinda maybe sorta had a mental health breakdown earlier in the year so you’re getting treatment for stuff you’ve always had but didn’t actually know that you had, which is good, but then it’s somehow December in the second year of a major wait I mean it’s August and it’s 1867, hahaha, who’s projecting, I’m not projecting, you’re projecting, why are you like that.
I’M FINE we’re fine we’re all fine here
how are you?
Well that’s implausible
…I’m pretty sure you actually live here, Kondou.
Let me –
Have you ever said anything genuine or honest or kind or welcoming or earnest in your entire life, or is everything just a joke to you, a kind of armor you craft around yourself so at no point you ever have to engage with anyone on an actual, honest, intellectual level? Is this so you can be above it all in some judgmental holier-than-thou fashion, that you’re oh-so-cool and you don’t actually care about anyone, or is this some sort of game to you, so you’re just trying to run up the score like if Stephen Curry got points for leaving “makeup is a social construct” comments on a 17-year-old’s Instagram account instead of being the best three-point shooter in NBA history? Does this somehow make you HAPPY? Has ANYTHING ever made you happy?!
LET ME FIGHT HIM
…thank you, Sano, I appreciate it. You’re very sweet.
…Sanan, if you’re undressing someone with your eyes, it’s considered polite to stop before you start mentally flensing the skin off.
THE SECOND LADY OF SAMURAIS
She IS a ninja, after all.
Well I uh
I mean, let’s just make sure Souji leaves the room first, so we can, uh
AWAY FROM HERE
Before I can try to turn into a shameful chameleon and blend in with the actual fire next to me, Nagakura Kool-Aid Mans himself into the conversation with some concerns about the entire process.
Fortunately, I speak Galoot.
lady it took me a year to get to this point I don’t think we got that kind of time
Sen ensures we are familiar with Kazama, he of the blond hair, smug sneer, and a voice like bloody velvet. Hijikata, reading ahead in the script, says that Sen is “something like Kazama and his punks, aren’t you,” leading to the best facial expression yet.
tfw your date asks you about crypto
Kazama has been showing up everywhere the Shinsengumi have been lately. He’s involved with the Choshu, but not for political ends. Rather, he’s pursuing his own agenda… but what agenda is that?
“You’d best start believin’ in ghost stories, Miss Turner.“
“You’re in one.”
For once, NieR Automata is NOT the weirdest thing in my day.